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| http://www.itsjustbrunchblog.com/blog/2015/1/29/worry-wart |
You are a husband to the most wonderful wife in the world. Words cannot begin to express how amazing she is. You're a father of three crazy fun kids who are for the most part pretty good. You have a great job, but you are the sole provider for your family. Your wife's small business makes a good amount of money during Christmas but most of the year she makes enough to keep it going. You have one vehicle and it's running pretty good, minor issues here and there, nothing that needs attention right away.
That was us two weeks ago. Really not much going on, we were just living our lives. Then last week I get ready to leave for work and I notice a nice big puddle of antifreeze under the car. Because of it's location I can immediately rule out the water pump and can guess it's a couple of things. Either I have a hose leaking, the overflow reservoir is cracked and leaking or I have a crack in the radiator. I look and look and look and cannot find the source of the leak. I check the fluid level and decide it's safe enough to get to work in. The whole way there I'm worrying about the vehicle overheating, am I losing fluid as I drive, could something catch fire..just worrying. When I get to work, I notice that the driver side headlight appears to be crying or weeping, antifreeze is pouring out from under it. UGHGHGHGHGHGHGHH.....This is not what I wanted, not now!!
One of the benefits of working at the bank is the opportunity to meet so many people in different lines of work. Luckily, not long after the crying car incident our resident mechanic came in. I explained to him what happened and he offered to take a look at it if I would bring it by the shop after work. I was on pins and needles as I drove it to the shop. He hooked up some kind of pump to the radiator and applied some pressure and use his fancy mechanic's light to locate the leak. I saw it before he did. There was what appeared to be a green river busting from the dam that is the radiator. A nice crack towards the top was spilling fluid everywhere. I'm pretty sure that my van and I shared a moment, we both were weeping. I asked how much it would be to replace the radiator and he gave me a ballpark figure of $550 AFTER the bank discount. My feelings were hurt...$600 to replace a radiator????!?!?!!? Well I smiled and thanked him and drove the crippled van home, watching the temp, just waiting for it to overheat.
I don't have $600 to pay for this. We're still reeling from Christmas and now this...my worrying was at a max , I could feel the stress building and it was time to share my burden with my wife. We talked about the options and she suggested I call my Dad. Now my dad is a jack-of-all trades. Dad can do anything and I really hope I'm working toward that goal as well. Dad and I talked for a few minutes and decided to check the internet for a radiator, and once we get it I would make a trek down to him (about an hour away) and he would help me replace. I began to feel a little better..slightly...but I was still worried about the travel, would the van make it, would there be any damage for driving that far...worry worry worry.
We were able to find a replacement one for $65...so that means even after gas I would have spent less then $100. Now..where do I get that, we don't even have that! And like an answer to prayer (which I know it was) my wife sold some more jewelry and it covered the radiator and gas! Praise God! My wife once again reminded me not to worry, that God's got us wherever we are and any trouble we have, He's already seen us through, we just have to rely on Him...F.R.O.G., y'all remember that one right!! I felt so much better...still a little worried..but relieved!
Fast forward to today. We were out of eggs so I volunteer as tribute and head to the grocery store (I don't want the Mrs. driving the van if something goes wrong). On my way I notice that the van is now idling VERY ROUGH...and as I accelerate there's so much hesitation, and I felt this terrible feeling in my stomach..oh man no..not now, I really cannot afford another problem..we haven't even fixed the radiator yet! I'm pretty sure I experienced chest pains from this one..
Thanks to some very friendly help from the great people at Autozone and their handy dandy car computer, we were able to diagnose the problem as either a bad wire, bad plug or a cracked head...I knew which one I didn't want it to be. I managed to hobble myself back to the mechanic shop and explain to him what was going on. He took it back, much like a doctor caring for a patient and asked me wait while he did his best. I waited...and waited.......and waited...the whole time the worry just building in me, making me so tense. I tried to hide my feelings, to stuff them deep down..maybe if I didn't think about it, they would go away. That wasn't working. So I decided maybe something funny would take my mind off so I watched a few videos about cats getting scared by cucumbers. Even that didn't cheer me up..and seriously if you haven't watched it you gotta check it out! Take like five minutes and watch this video and then come back and finish reading..don't get sucked down the wormhole that is YouTube...I did while writing this post!!
Anyways after a while they drive the van back around. I'm watching the mechanics emotions as he gets out of the car..is he sad for me?? Was it an easy fix and he's happy??? I just don't know and I'm freaking out. I'm pretty sure time crawled as he walked from the parking lot back to me. He comes in and has me sit down. I'm preparing for the worse. He's talking slow and choosing his words. My stomach is in knots. I cannot lose this vehicle right now, I just can't. We cannot afford another one, we can't afford to get it fixed...what are we going to do!
And then he just smiles..a very big smile. He's playing games with me. Turns out it was just a spark plug, a $6 spark plug. He put one in and had drove it around testing it, no issues and he didn't even ask for payment, and told me to have a good day.
God had to be grinning from ear to ear...just trust me He's yelling! TRUST ME!! LEAN ON ME!! ASK MEE!! He had it all figured out..everything was set that it would happen today so all things would work out for me. God is good!
But let's take a step back. Why do we worry? Why do we as dads allow the weight of the world to just hang on us. I have to take care of my wife, I have to take care of my kids, provide for them, love them, teach them, show them, be there for them. If I can't fulfill those tasks, the worry kicks in. I worry they're not going to be taken care of, I worry I can't be the dad they need, I worry I can't be the husband my wife needs. So much worry when I'm reminded that God's got this...God's always got this. And then today my wife showed me this verse!
I mean even as I'm typing this, I'm choking back tears. I trust in Jesus, I trust in God, I trust that there is a plan for me, my wife, and my children but why do I still worry. What if the mechanic had come back and said the engine was trash..what then. I'm sure I would have broken down in tears. Some days it's just to heavy..some days it's so difficult to come home after being yelled at all day because people can't take care of their money and choose to yell at me for it. Then knowing that there's work around the house that needs to be done, the car is breaking, our bank account is low too...how do I smile at my kids and tell them it's going to be okay?
And that's where God comes in. Maybe these "storms" or "valleys" are give to us, not to test us, but to remind us that regardless of what we've got going on, He's protecting us and working everything out in our favor.
Thank you God...thank you.
Why do you worry?? Share in the comments or tell me on twitter, I'd love to talk more about it!!
--Jacob
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